IV. Dependence


from the book The Inner Look

The second day:

1.    Nothing that I do, feel, or think depends on me.

2.    I am mutable and depend on the action of my surroundings. When I want to change my environment or my “I,” it is the environment that ends up changing me. Then I seek the city or nature, social redemption or a new struggle that will justify my existence. Invery case it is my environment that leads me to choose one attitude or another. In this way, my interests and my surroundings leave me here.

3.    I say, then, that it does not matter who or what decides. I say on these occasions that I have to live since I am in the situation of living. I say all this, but there is nothing that justifies it. I can make a decision, hesitate, or remain where I am. In any case, onehing is only provisionally better than another; ultimately there is no better or worse.

4.    If someone tells me that those who do not eat die, I will answer that this is indeed so, and that, spurred by their needs, they are compelled to eat. But I will not add that the struggle to eat justifies one’s existence—nor will I say that this struggle is bad. I will simply say that all of this concerns an individual or collective fact related to the need for subsistence, but that it has no meaning in the moment that the last battle is lost.

5.    I will say, moreover, that I feel solidarity with the struggle of the poor, the exploited, and the persecuted. I will say that I feel “fulfilled” in this identification, but I understand that these feelings do not justify anything.


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